Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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