there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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