Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
