I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
