I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
