I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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