Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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