I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
