Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my shit smells like andre
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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