i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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