They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize