just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
