Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
