You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
