I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
