Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
