We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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