Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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