The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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