chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
