sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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