I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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