ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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