That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
