Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
