hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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