I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize