Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
