I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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