I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
