I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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