Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.

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(314): View more from Missouri

every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.

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(757): View more from Virginia

She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.

Fav 8 1706 641
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(631): View more from New York

Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"

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(256): View more from Alabama

So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...

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(410): View more from Maryland

You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.

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