I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
