ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
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I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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