Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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