About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize