Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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