so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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