I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
