There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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