Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize