she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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