what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have feelings that need drinking.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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