How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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