Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize