I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.