The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?