Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.