Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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