We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
