i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize