Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
